If?

Dark hours come when we least expect them and usually when we are the least prepared.  One of Satan's weapons he launched at Jesus was simply asking, "If you are the Son of God..." (Luke 4:9).  If?  If can be a dangerous word.  I find myself during the darkest moments listening to Satan himself saying, if He is God then...At times, I find myself crying, why God don't you see me, why have you stopped speaking?   This blog has become a weapon for me in these moments.  It is so easy to let a dark season, day, or hour creep in and steal the very life and joy from us.  Or...we can have something tangible to see God through.  His word, a list of blessings, prayer, pictures...For me it is in these images.  Images taken in an imperfect, broken world. Images that remind me that even in our darkest hours, God is there, God sees me, God loves me and He speaks...

 "Why do you complain to Him that He answers none of man's words?  For God does speak--now one way, now another--though man may not perceive it."  Job 33:13-14

Creek-side Chats...right after I snapped this picture, a dolphin came up out of the water less than two feet from the dock.  

Her face says it all.

We go every year to the Southeastern Wildlife Festival in Charleston.  The girls absolutely love wandering around Francis Marion park and seeing all of the uniquely wild creatures that God created.  They play, interact, and learn to appreciate these magnificent creations.

What is it about girls and ponies??

I fell in love with this guy.  I am going to have this picture blown up and give it a place of honor in our house.  It can be a weapon to use against the temptation to take life so seriously and to be reminded that God created this guy, God has a sense of humor.

I love the cutouts!  They are just plain fun!

I absolutely loathe this picture!  I almost had a panic attack.  Reagan went on her own and asked this man if she could hold this snake.  The best part was as she was struggling to hold it, she asked him if it would bite and he simply nodded his head, yes.  She will be the death of me!

She is fearless!

Will bought me an iphone and I discovered Instagram!  It is a nice change to be in a couple of pictures...my girls will have memories to share of me after all.

Red's at Shem Creek

It was almost 70 degrees Saturday so why not spend the day on the beach?  Jess absolutely loves sand.  I miss the days when I didn't care about getting dirty.  She takes me back to those days.

Reagan went all the way into the ocean, fully clothed, begging us to let her swim.  The water had to be 50 degrees. 

Finding joy in the simple pleasures.

Time standing still, life slowing down, God speaking.

"...If you can do anything, do it.  Have a heart and help us!  Jesus said, 'If?  There are no 'ifs' among believers.'  Anything can happen."  (Mark 9:22-24)

Dads and Daughters

I always imagined myself with three boys.  I married a big, tough guy.  God gave us two daughters...God must be crazy.  
Now, I cannot imagine life without Barbies, baby dolls, tears, giggles, more tears, flowers, tutus, smelly stuff...and neither can Will.
Every year, Reagan's school hosts a Daddy/Daughter Dance.  I love that Reagan's earliest memories of dances will be with her dad.  I love that he has the opportunity to teach her how a young man should treat her on "dates."  I love that there is a night at her school devoted to this special bond.  Last night was the night, and after a week of counting down days, it finally arrived...

He surprised her with a corsage.

She loved it!

He gave his littlest one too!  (Thank you God, for florists who remind dads not to forget about the little sister).

He told her they could eat anywhere...she chose the Waffle House.

She enjoyed the dinner...

...and dessert.

And dessert again because dads are cool like that.  This girl is made of sugar!

He came home carrying a sleeping girl in his arms (probably due to hypoglycemic shock).  They had fun and she chatted excitedly about it all morning...good memories.  So, God could be crazy to give us, specifically Will, two daughters or He could just really love us.  He could have known that anyone can raise children, but that it takes a man to raise little girls.

Consider the Daffodils

Some days are a lot easier than others.  Some days it feels like I could literally take off and fly, unchained and boundless.  Other days, it feels like I drag heavy chains around, weighed down with worries and burdens, choking life, slowing me down.  I have not gained enough wisdom yet to know how this is, just that it is.  For me, the chain that wraps itself the tightest is that of worry, distrust.  I hold onto that one, gripping it with the delusion of control.  Today (and for the last week), it has kept me immobile, blind.  
     Then, my daughter gave me a gift.  A gift with a message from God.  She gave me Daffodils.  Daffodils picked from the ground in February...Winter bearing flowers.  As soon as she handed them to me, I sensed the Holy Spirit prod..."consider these Daffodils."  I acknowledged that my burdens are heavy because right now I don't trust God, I want control...I have little faith.  Looking at those beautiful Daffodils reminded me of the verse in Luke 12:26-28...

"Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?  'Consider how the wildflowers grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will He clothe you--you of little faith!'"

I am grateful for these flowers in this Winter season.  Today, they represent God's love and faithfulness to me.  A sweet reminder delivered by His sweet child.  Again, I could not deny this gift, His love, His faithfulness...how much more?  God, I ask you to increase my faith!

Stooping Low

Today was one of those days that I just couldn't get it right.  "It" being everything.  Days like today can be extremely discouraging and can ignite an explosion of "I just can't do its."  Spinning plates, crashing one by one.  Finding myself telling God, if I am trying to see you, why are you so difficult to find?  Blinded...Closing my eyes...absolutely refusing to see. A child throwing a temper tantrum aimed at a Heavenly Father.  He waits patiently for me to finish.  He loves me and His love is always patient and kind (even though mine is certainly not).  I pick up a book to move it, I notice a page is dog-eared, I read this verse off of that page...

"He must become greater, I must become less."

John 3:30 

Light.  Blinding, painful light.  My frustration is not a product of God not being there, it is a product of me becoming so big that I block out His light.  Becoming full of myself, living in a world where I am "good," where I deserve so much, rising everyday like a tower to reach God. Needing to be brought down.  God's gentle reminder spoken in the quote that accompanied the verse...

"I used to think that God's gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in Christian character the easier we could reach them. I find now that God's gifts are on shelves one beneath the other, and that it is not a question of growing taller but to stooping lower, and that we have to go down, always down, to get His best gifts." --F.B. Meyer 

(the book is 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp)

As I began to process this, I remembered some pictures I took of Jess and her friend the other day.  I was fascinated at how they would walk a little way down this path and stop, stooping down to just play with a stick or whatever else was there.  I love how children aren't always so focused on the path or getting to the end.  They take the time to stop and play or to stop and notice.  I took a picture then and I love how I was just reminded of it now...

One of God's greatest gifts in my life, completely undeserved...

Even on a day where I refuse to see, He leads me to a place where I cannot deny that He has already given me some of His greatest gifts.  God, please help me to stoop low.